Robert Henry IV

My Savior is Psychadelic!

2010-03-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

This is a description of 7:55am - 10:34am this morning, March 15, 2010.

***THIS BLOWS MY MIND****

I wake up this morning around 7:30 preparing to get ready for class. Driving across the UWF bridge I see a white BMW 325i swerving about 4 feet off the road. By nature I think...JARED BAKER. I race forward from about 300 feet away to see if I am correct. He gives me the signal to meet before class, I confirm with a militant style hand gesture. Once arriving to school, we park and I hop into this car.

7:55am - 8:10am We talk in his car for about 10 minutes before class. (I leave my keys in his car AND AM NOT AWARE UNTIL 9:50)*

8:10am - 8:30am I walk to class, and arrive sit in my chair, waiting for class to begin.

8:30am - 9:45am Class starts, mr professor is giving our grades aloud based on our last 4 digits of our student ID. I conveniently left my wallet at home. After class I had to step up to the teacher to ask for my grade, I left my wallet at home therefore I did not know my student ID number when he called out the grades accordingly during class time. As i walk out of class i realize I have no keys. Something hits me.*

3 Important Factors

1. No Phone (no communication)
2. No Wallet (no identification)
3. No Keys (no transporation)

9:45am - 10:17am I am walking to the University Commons and on the way I see a Pine tree, and beside it stands tree with no leaves, or color of life. Next, within seconds, a slew of birds land on both trees. The birds where a dark grey/brown mix. They blended in well with the pine cones on the pine tree. On the naked tree with no leaves, the birds appeared as little pine cones, frozen in state. From the Library to the commons I write a diddy in my head about how pine cones and birds are alike in how they fall and fly from trees. VERY COOL. Now I continue along and see a full grown tree that has orange leaves on the left half (from my view), and green leaves on the right half (from my view). This blew my mind! (The whole time walking to the commons I am looking around awestruck at the world around me.)

Right when walking into the commons a girl says from about 6 feet behind me, "what are you looking at?". I turn around and start explaining what I have seen traveling from the Library to the Commons, (which is only about 150 yards!) She then points at her ear and laughs! She is talking in her bluetooth headset. We both laugh pretty heavily and walk off.

This is still in between 9:50 and 10:17am. Once in the Commons I play piano for about 20+ minutes. I transpose a Doors intro of a song into another key. And I am playing better than I ever have before, tempo, creativity, and hand eye coordination (movement). Also creating a new piano piece. Now ready to leave I search my keys, walking all of my steps backwards from the Commons, to class, then to my car. Walking to my car I have a million thoughts at where they could be.... Then I find this....

It says: "Bobby, Keys are in glove box. You left them in my car. IM HIGH!! Peace Out - Jared"

10:17am - 10:34am I am beyond stoked. Now I begin to drive home. Anyone who has been in my car while I drive knows that I am an aggresive driver. While on the way home from school I am patient on 3 different accounts where I wanted to rush past different vehicles. Each of the 3 times I did not drive aggressively, but I drove with patience. It actually worked out nicely and it was a pleasant and enjoyable ride home. Once in my neighborhood, a song comes on the radio station 95.7fm, hosted by K-Love. The song is talking about how earthly things are worthless, and how life truly is beyond the cage we are bound too. I am smiling beyond belief nodding my head in agreement. Once entering Woodbine Springs I begin to pass the neighborhood pond. During this time I notice weather is the best I have seen this year. Two beautiful red cardinals fly ten feet from my window as I am driving. One vivid blue jay flies past as I am approaching the stop sign to my road. Now a row of five gorgeous trees with white buds are lining the road. Red, White, and Blue. Not to mention all of this beauty within a 15 second time frame passing the pond.

CONCLUSION 10:55 My point is, this world is BEAUTIFUL and fading but, what lies beyond this moment, here on earth? No one knows, no one can prove it. But I have lived 22 years of my life. I have experienced many many things. Drugs, parties, sex, alcohol, traveling, music life, sports, vacations. And I have never seen so much worth and joy besides when I was living my life and focusing on what Christ has for me. And reading his word, ON MY OWN, focusing on what he has to tell me, and not the church, or family, friends, and everything else that can lead a man astray. These 3 things (the church, family, and friends) are indeed important and good. But the most important is YOU and THE LORD.

This is my account of March 15, 2010. From 7:55am - 10:34am. I hope this brightens you day almost as much as it has radiated mine. :) I love you all. And pass this to a friend.

Dear Messiah,

2010-03-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

I have been crucifying you daily, by the hour sometimes. The other day even, I did it twice in less than 10 minutes. I am completely ashamed of who I have become and almost have no desire to get close with people. (outside of a few friends i play around some music with, this seems to help me, I am learning, but still is not sufficient).

I just want to taste your love again. Thank you for listening to me when I am on my hands and knees, you really do love me, and I want to do your will. Please help me through this. I know you will. You are Almighty. I am giving up everything that has kept me from you at this moment. Restore me into the man I once was becoming, I want to be him, and I want him to reflect you.

The grave outside of this home I am in is calling my name, I love you and will talk to you continually tonight, I look forward to raising my hands tonight and singing out to you.

you are my love.

Family

2010-03-01T19:24:00.001-08:00

I am going to make it a point to have a very close family. I am not happy at all with what my family is or who we have become. It is like my room home is a dormant cave of bullshit that people just come to sleep in and watch episodes of American Idol.

Sad thing is, I do not care to change any of it.

Too big when feeling small

2010-01-25T11:44:00.001-08:00

This will be short and concise. I hope to update more.

But as of lately i feel completely psychotic. Almost want to talk to a stranger about everything that is weighing me down, or a psychiatrist. My dad majored in psychology. But that wont help me.

To put it simple.... With life, you have to take bites at your own pace, a lot of people put the food on the plate, or might even be the plate. But they should not push you to what to eat first. You are a guest. I feel very very torn apart inside. Trying to type this is worthless because no one can really ever get the right words out.

2009-09-28T07:22:00.001-07:00

Seperation of the army will bring a Leader my way. I hope she, and know she is a very good. This is a good thing.

California! My West Coast Experience

2009-08-16T07:27:00.002-07:00

This alleged "Macbook Pro" wont save my facebook videos, so here is a blog!

So i flew into Orange County yesterday around 10am to see my great friend of 6 years Sarah Huffman. We started off her house to finish her resume for the Falling Whistles internship. We then headed to Venice Beach to drop it off. No one answered the door for about 6 minutes but then David came to the door and we got too see their Head Quarters, and i got a whistle, as well as they took my card and information and are going to contact me about bringing the movement to the East Coast (Pensacola, Florida), here is the site directily please check this amazing group out. (www.fallingwhistles.com) I was even able to get a whistle, check the twitter to see pics. (www.twitter.com/skrillabobcat)

Next we proceeded to the Venice Beach strip, saw the graffiti wall, basketball courts, all the crazy people passing out info for making medicinal marijuana more legal, and alot of class acts, and my favorite of all, a huge drum circle! you can see alot of what goes on around here on my Twitter account (www.twitter.com/skrillabobcat) I got an amazing Grateful Dead shirt, and a Led Zep shirt. Next we got some Tito's Taco's. Sooo good, local joint.

Then headed to Los Angeles, Hollywood, Chinatown, Burbank, and everything around that area. There is so much life around here. We stayed last night, and i woke up this morning at Sarah's friends house, Kristal. She has a rad mom, i woke up to John Lennon, and her apartment is like a resort. Its pretty cool. This Coast has alot to offer. Full of life, young people, happiness, and just entertainment. This was only my first day. I am sooo stoked for the next week.

This week will include: WARPED TOUR IN SAN DIEGO, DISNEY LAND, and today...CORNERSTONE CHURCH! i get to see Francis Chan speak :)

Such a blessing! Ill see ya all soon! keep posted.

Cited:

Falling Whistles - www.fallingwhistles.com
Francis Chan book - www.crazylovebook.com
My Facebook - www.facebook.com/skrillabobcat
My Twitter - www.twitter.com/skrillabobcat

2009-08-03T06:48:00.001-07:00

Starting the book entitled CRAZY LOVE. I will keep my thoughts and notes posted on here throughout my reading. Anyone interested?

im so tired

2009-06-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

of friends who have no cars, friends who have no jobs, friends who dont work for anything. and then they expect me to pay for them and drive them around expecting nothing back. thing is though, if they had a job, or had a car, OR EVEN WERE AT AN ATTEMPT TO FIND ANY OF THE ABOVE. i would not mind. i am just tired of having so many flat out lazy ass friends. I just want to drop some Esoteric knowledge on you. But you just wouldn't understand while you live the life you do.

Here is my rant. I am not sorry if it sounds mean because i have been holding this in for months. America, stop being lazy, and earn something for once. Men, you need to man up. And women, you need to man up. EVERYONE get a set of balls.

I am back

2009-06-06T07:01:00.001-07:00

I turned away from blogger for a little bit. But I am back. I have been into the short and quick details of life with twitter from my cell phone, that i forgot about this nice site. But now i have something to say.

I officially have a hate for alcohol. I rarely drink it. But i see too many people around me abuse it. I hate watching that. And the aftermath always seems to hurt everyone close to them, and costs the drinker to lose something of importance to them.

I have started a graphic design firm with my friend Josh Rice as well. koolmoose designs. We found two other guys around town who are working with us, Jesse Jackson, and Richard Humphreys who are both talented graphic designers and web masters! This will be a fun journey. My first offical business attempt. And hopefully a very successful.

I do not work at Starbucks anymore! I have been getting feelings from God to quit there the last 3 months or so, then randomly i show up to work and boom, i get accused of asking for a tip, and then i was let go. It sucks leaving a company i have such a deep passion for, and love more than anything. And especially being accused of something so silly. But it is obvious now to me that i should have listened to what God was telling me. I am happy though. In the long run i can come back and have an impact as someone higher in the company rather than a barista. But at this point I do not even know if I care to do that. There are so many many more opportunities that have been flowing onto my plate like a flood.

I met a girl named Julie. she is so great. I have only really known her since Memorial Day though. So i will keep this paragraph as short as i have known her.... ok. :)

This is my life as of lately. I might be working at Target. I think i would enjoy the job. Or maybe stick with the graphic design firm. God is providing though. I read through 1 John. It is one of my favorite books in the bible.

And for a conclusion!!!....i gotta go work in the yard all day now! PEACE AND LOVE EVERYONE :)

Becoming a man

2009-05-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

I am moving out next month, taking on more responsibility, you know the drill. Moving out is changing me in a million ways as it does everyone else. And this feels like the perfect time.

I am not into blogspot lately. I wanted to post a long informative letter of information in here for everyone. but honestly i just dont care if any of you know. haha. because if you cared, you would ask. :)

I am now retiring from blogspot. I will be on here to read everyones posts, but not really saying much anymore.

http://twitter.com/skrillabobcat
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This morning

2009-05-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am realizing how to control the sound and anecdotes in my rhymes. Metaphors, similes, etc... This will take a while to get down as good as Rakim, KRS one, etc.. But i know i can do it easily if i work hard. i do not really see a boundary i can not overcome when it comes to music, i really don't think their are boundaries no one can not overcome unless they have a physical or mental disability. It IS ALL ABOUT HOW HARD YOU WORK!

go hard or get the hell out

the sovereignty of God

2009-05-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

My mother has always told me that as a person I can never rely on people in this world at all. And the only people that truly love you is your family (biological family). To this day i still believe this. She has also always told me this verse i have listed below constantly through life, i always listened, but never comprehended it fully in how she means it until now.

2 Corinthians 4:18 (New International Version)

18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

And another verse that really hit me full on today is this one. I have been going through alot of personal changes. I have had many hard times over the last 5 months. I have remained strong though and lived a fine life, but never paid attention to the whole picture. A true friend will give you the truth, even if it hurts...

Proverbs 27:6 (New International Version)

6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.

i know this was not well written, but it was not written to sound great. This was an entry left here for me too see to get strength from when i need it. And i am sure the point got across too all who do read it.

i am sorry blogspot

2009-05-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

Twitter has stolen my heart, and you blogspot have died in a sense. I enjoy the quick recording of events, rather thank trying to leave blogs on the internet. so step your game up or you just might lose me. Or next time i might just come back with something most of you don't understand.

I have not written in a while

2009-05-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

I never have until recently payed attention to how many different ways people dissect and look at the world. i know everyone does see things differently, and lives their own path. But i always wonder so many things on my level, and then try to comprehend on someone else level. i want to start reading alot about Aldous Huxley, and his writings.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldous_Huxley

other than that. i have been really busy in thought. rebuilding my 1977 vw bus, working on music (a little, school is out, so more time can be put into it), and working about 32 hours a week and looking for more work. thats all really.

i want fruit of the mind!

2009-04-23T23:29:00.001-07:00

Playing a show at suite or the edge soon. Keep posted for dates. Prob sometime in may

God is soooooooo great

2009-04-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Adriana is such motivation. thank you.

i feel very good about the rough draft of the songs i did. I have only been doing the hip hop / rap thing for a couple of months. and its going well. I have my heart in it fully. No questions asked. I love it more than anything... I can feel the passion i put into it like my father does his work.

Now i know what true love is. time to earn the prize.

Not my typical blog post....

2009-04-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so normally i do not start a blog post with something this silly and just not to interesting. But why the fudge does every damn lightbulb not work after your lamp falls on the ground? (If you give me a smart ass scientific answer then go eat your own butthole) But seriously, forget the scientific mumbo jumbo, i really want to know why the hell there is not a light bulb for the "late night computer user who grabs his laptop from across the desk in complete darkness and accidently knocks his lamp down but needs light" guy. So now I am screwed up the butt completely with no light, and a bright ass screen for about 16 minutes adjusting to the constant light.

Technology is a whore. today was great. Keep looking forward, never ever back. I finally learned this as of this week completely. And even when something is behind, as well in the future, it can still be worthless. Life is an art never mastered. So learn asap all you can. And teach me at the same time...hahaha

Follow My TWITTER....tweet!!

2009-04-07T14:28:00.001-07:00

Tweet!! tweet!!!!

http://twitter.com/skrillabobcat

Share the Good Times.

2009-04-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

A non scholastic fraternity dedicated to the outsourcing of useful and life altering information. As well as undoubtedly the best laughs to be found East of California's most Western tip. We are a group of young individuals seeking as much out of life as possible on a mission to revive truth.

22 years of age!!!

2009-04-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

What a year 21 has been. God has taken me to so so many different places, met so many life changing people. It's been an amazing year. I wish i had the time to tell of all i wish i could. But the thing that sticks out the most, and the one thing I have always had the most trouble with was being able to be ok with being single, and trusting God's plan for my life. And now I am! :)

another year, another class, another meeting, another life. One love.

jamieprip@blogspot

2009-03-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

"In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there." Mark 1:35

It's hard for me to imagine Jesus needing prayer. The Son of God who came from heaven and helped create the universe...the one who not only had seen the Father's glory but was filled with it? He needed prayer? Yet there it is, right in the text. I can't help but think about how cool it would have been to see or hear Jesus praying! I wonder if he brought a cup of coffee with Him. I'm sure He did.

I am learning to enjoy the early morning hours, especially at our house when everyone is still asleep. There is something special about the quiet & stillness of a new day. Your thoughts are fresh. You can hear the birds welcoming a new day as they worship their Creator. It's such a blessing & encouragment to know that each day is a fresh start and filled with new mercies from the Lord.

Each of us need's our own time with Jesus to praise Him, worship Him and hear from Him. If the Son of God needed time alone in prayer, how much more do we?

I do not understand

2009-03-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Why people don't work harder. Why people don't want to make others smile. Why people can be so bitter when working. I know i can fail in all of these categories, but the difference between "me, and "them" is that i strive to never fail in any of them.

it looked like this....

2009-03-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

New weekly thing. Makes life so stress free. Album coming soon!!!

And he walks

2009-03-13T14:47:00.001-07:00

Every move is lead with a tremble, and trailed with a drip drop of sweat. Carrying himself like the cool cat the crowd believes he is, he slaps hands with a fellow believer. Walking away in gratification. Mission never completed he burrows around like a groundhog, but always as slow as deer in head lights. Like TI said, "just live ya life". And love the whole way through.

God Bless you my friends.

i really miss more than anything

2009-03-10T14:44:00.001-07:00

the past summers, feeling younger and more carefree than ever. The feeling is still possible to attain. But to find someone who can play that roll as your partner in crime, and to have someone who fulfills that unexplainable gap in your heart that gives you complete happiness is hard to find.

I love you.

all i need

2009-03-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

here is a reference to the word need. All i need is a woman who loves God, and lives for him. Where did they all go? Last night i brought up God when at a party, and people were acting as if, "oh damn its the leper watch out and don't listen to him he is crazy."

Ladies, where did the good ones go?

move along move along

2009-03-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

God has been throwing me curve balls for the last 4 years. Actually sliders at about 86 mph. (i was great at hitting curve balls when i played ball) And i am finally starting to pay attention to him. It is silly how many times that I do not pay attention to what he has to say. AND, at the same time, its funny how i will pay attention to what he says and twist it into my own view or perspective and take away from his purpose to fulfill my own desires. (not literally funny...I just don't understand my deliberate disobedience) Here is a good verse that has been very helpful lately.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
”- Isaiah 55:8-9

--on another note--

today i had a chance to help someone out. Last night i did as well. Today though when i helped someone i didn't know if they genuinely needed help. Or if they just wanted to take advantage of being able to get something from someone else. But i thought of this verse below as well, and I am going to try and live up too it as much as possible. Even though it is sooo incredibly hard. here is the verse:

Matthew 25:34-46 (New International Version)

³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. ³⁷"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'⁴⁰"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. ⁴¹"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴²For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. ⁴⁴"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'⁴⁵"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' ⁴⁶"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

The Lord works in such beautiful ways. open up to him whenever you get a chance!

PS...leave your phone behind for one day, and count how many times you think of wanting your phone, and add it up...you wont believe how much time you give to your phone and not your Lord.

for days and days

2009-03-03T05:42:00.000-08:00

Constantly I run into troubles in my life. But every time the strife gets too much for me to handle God scoops me up and takes care, and shows why he is in control. I never understand exactly what to do, but he takes care of me. It's offical, Matthew 6 is my favorite chapter of the Bible.

God Bless everyone today. He loves you.

i hope..

2009-02-24T09:36:00.001-08:00

I hope i never get this wrapped into world change and philosophy....or maybe i do? :)

Reaching out...

2009-02-15T21:14:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been seeing alot of people, random people at that matter, and just for some reason praying for them, or even trying to do something out of kindness to show love too them. Really don't see why with my own eyes, but I know for a fact God has a purpose behind it. In 1 John 4 there is a great example:

1 John 4 : 20 If anyone says, `I love God', and he hates his brother, he is telling a lie. If he does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 God gave us this law. The person who loves God must love his brother also.

An example from earlier today, my friend Mike went to coinstar because he needed some cash at the time. And when he went in line to pay for the bread and hot dog's he picked up while there the lady in front of him and paid and just walked off, and did not tell him she paid for it. This is a good example of obeying God, and not boasting of the act as well...

Jeremiah 9:23 This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches,

My girl

2009-02-15T00:29:00.001-08:00

Proberbs 31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

As rough as life can be...

2009-02-10T07:53:00.001-08:00

I am really excited to grow into the man God has intentions for me to be. I see many people who are highly respected, and infinitely wealthy, and many people find this to be success in life. And this is a very prestigious form of success. In no way am I talking down upon wealth or respect. Yet at the same time I see men who live a mere life lacking alot of the things that the average person would like to have, and that man that lacks many of these things has this aura about him, and a way in which he speaks that i feel is the most immaculate thing a man or woman for that matter could have about themself, and that would single handedly and only be God working through their life in every action that they take. (and yes there are mrere men who lack everything, or may have everything in many other ways, but i am speaking only of what is mentioned)

Who is too say that the highly respected man, and infinitely wealthy man do not have God in their life? They very well may have the Lord. And for the mere man, who knows if behind closed doors if he becomes another creature? A vile and disgust vermin from the slum of the earth.

Jeramiah 4: 18 Your own conduct and actions have brought this upon you. This is your punishment. How bitter it is! How it pierces to the heart!

and when in a time of detrimental trouble or confusion, direct your ways accordingly...

Deuteronomy 4:29 But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Ever think.....

2009-01-31T12:56:00.000-08:00

that you would be the person that would turn to things you hated to try and deal with heartbreaking issues? maybe all motivation to live, and be successful shot out the door, because you had so much of yourself invested into someone that held your heart, or something that you had a deep passion and love for doing? lately that is how i feel. I do not understand how my Christian friends, or better yet acquaintances, either A) witnessing to me like I have never heard of God before, as if I am a lost soul needing to know the Lord. Or B) Just flat out don't give a shit to grow with other Christians because their life is way to busy, or they do not take me serious. Both of these maybe not be true at all. But this is how i broke alot of it down. I have not slept in about 31 hours, I am probably just losing my head a bit. Blah Blah Blah. No need to bring presents to my pitty party. hahaha, just venting a little bit.

always going

2009-01-29T20:22:00.000-08:00

So often lately i feel that i do not even deserve God's grace. And then I think again....I really do not even deserve it at all. And that is the beauty of it. I know i sin constantly. And it is sad to see how many people are not open about the fact that they do, or try to hide it, but really not a soul on this earth is right, correct, perfect, or anywhere near having the right to judge another. And this sentence is a perfect example of itself. Maybe people are open to the fact they sin. Not necessarily with me, or you. But with God. There is so much more to everything than we can see. It is really a joke to try and come to some kind of earthly understanding of something we did not create, or understand from the beginning. Is that not where faith comes in? If we really were supposed to know "scientific meaning" or fact of the earth, why did the first men from earth not record it somehow in their own language, and it get translated down the line? We were born with minds, so there was somehow a form of communication. God is really the only way I can imagine. And i love studying the atheist view and other belief's or non-belief's.

Sorry for that tangent at the end. So many people you feel are the best friends, are never around anymore, and so many people you thought never would be close again will come back. It is a cycle. We are human, needs, emotions, and wants change. Nothing is forever, (except for diamonds apparently). So why be satisfied with the thing of the world. When God never has left?

Here is a great blog to look at by Jamie Prip a pastor from up Minnesota: http://jamieprip.blogspot.com/2009/01/there-must-be-more.html

got this from a blog i follow

2009-01-21T19:25:00.001-08:00

I read this on a website today and wanted to pass it along!
Blessings,
Jamie

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go... hmm... where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing....... Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

And no dropped calls!

Alot

2009-01-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

This is the first post I am making with our new President, Barack Obama. So many things have happened in the last 48 hours, and even more since December 31st. My life has spun in so many circles, gone forward, gone backward, and even side to side. I never have the slightest idea where God is directing me. But am I honestly supposed to know? I think not. But it's ok. The fact I know I can confide in the Lord, and know that regardless of who leads our country, or whatever girl I end up spending my life with, he has that complete control. And it is the most supreme feeling in my eyes.

I really could write out about 5,000 words explaining the madness of lately, but it would really not lead to too much. But to say the least that means the most, just trust the Lord. Everything falls together like a puzzle rather than a crashing economy. Lol. Here is some good scripture that I hope will help someone else in their time of troubles, just as it did myself. Same verse, different traslations...

He who heeds the word wisely will find good,
And whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he.
---Proverbs 16:20 (New King James Version)

Those who listen to instruction will prosper;
those who trust the Lord will be joyful.
---Proverbs 16:20 (New Living Translation)

Outlook

2009-01-14T00:42:00.001-08:00

Living pure is the only way to understand true meaning. Obscurities, and false distractions of life's purpose have become the mecca of the earthly demise of man. Everything on earth is made of very basic, yet complex elements. Many of these understood, and many more yet to be discovered. Man will never know the underlying meaning behind science, mathematics, or anything of any nature. We have philosophies, as well as theories to help prescribe meaning, as well as understanding. But each day is a practice in hopes to discover the root, of being that is as evident as color reveals itself to our eyes.

If wishes came true

2009-01-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

I would wish for a ploc chart of decision making in life. There is so much going on. It is funny how when in school, my life is so hectic, study, class, study, work. Every day for 3 months. And when i get out of school, it is constant Bible study, and growing with God. I know the Lord wants me to concentrate on school, but as his child I do need to set him first. Such a challenge for me.

So everyone go listen to Paul Simon and feel as lighthearted and as lovely as I do at this moment. As well as some Peter Paul and Mary. There song is on my page right now, and prob will be for a week at the most. So check it now!

*Hey Jesus, sorry I study so much, i promise i never forget about you. I love you much. And thank you. For everything!*

Antonio Apap

2009-01-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

"If someone lies to you once, shame on them. If they lie to you again, shame on you! A person would have to be a damn fool to trust someone who has lied to them before."

let me just explain

2009-01-03T22:21:00.000-08:00

When learning something new or trying to succeed at something do you ever give up if you really want it to work? Say your goal was too make 7 free throws out of 10 on a basketball goal. But on your first attempt you can only make 3 of ten. Once this happens do you give up? What reason do you have to give up other than maybe you are just a lazy person? This is the goal you set for yourself so why not strive and work towards it? So 3 weeks later after practicing your heart out you end up making the 7 out of 10 which was your goal. Congratulations! Was there anything negative that came out of this? I would say no...

When learning something new or trying to succeed at something do you ever give up if you really want it to work? Say your goal was to stick your a paper clip in an electric socket and to not get any shock whatsoever. Is this a goal? Yes. Is it attainable? No. Why do we as humans still attempt to make things work and try over and over again when we get the same result? I honestly have no idea. Maybe a sense of hope, or the chance of it working? Maybe the thrill of the gamble? It gets to the point of stupidity. When you repeat the same process over and over (say 3-4 years for instance) and get the same results, what is there to test again?

I learned this in a harsh way. I usually have to do things wrong, or experience them wrong anywhere from 3-5 times to really be shut down. And this has happened yet again still standing as a truth about myself.

The thing is when it comes to love, you do not need to ask yourself a new question. The same question lies for everyone. Different people do seek different answers to this question. But in the end we all want success. Unless our selfish minds detour us into desiring something that contains no positive aftermath. So with this being said, as opposed to asking a new question, we need to just find a new subject to test.

Simple, eh?....

And on a side note. I regret so many things, not that i have done. But that i did not do. Regret is real, viable, alive, and in your face. Live your life.

this blog site

2008-12-27T15:26:00.000-08:00

I do not know yet what classification it would be under. About myself and my life, or based on my study of the Bible, Christ, and my Christian walk as well. But as of this last week I have had alot of different emotions and feelings running around in my life that I am unfamiliar with. I know how easy it is for a Christian to say, "God is in control of my life and everything will be well and good in the end.", or something of that nature. And this is very true. Even if as a human we try to take control of our own life as if we can change the Lord's plan we will eternally fail. I am not saying this in a negative way. But when it comes down too it we as Christians need to pay Christ the respect he deserves. And I for one know that I could do a better job. When it comes to trying to understand these emotions and feelings I mentioned earlier it is hard to give everything to Christ, but what else can you do?

And on a different note I need to deal with today for it is at hand. And stop thinking about the future so much. I have the future ahead for its very own purpose. I sometimes miss out on the seconds, minutes, and hours of today. The Lord made seconds before minutes and hours because we need to take things slower. Dig it?

Christmas Past..

2008-12-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas was great this year. Spent the entire day with my family, Nick (my sisters boyfriend), and Phil, (my mothers childhood friend). We opened presents around 9:30 am, then played a game of Monopoly which i completely killed them in. Ate a huge lunch, and then watched movies and we all played with our presents all day. It was grand. Then around 9:35 pm Justin came over and we rushed to see Benjamin Button at the movie theater. Lasted til 12:59 am. Longest movie ever. But really great. Inspirational. Many underlying values in the movie.

And here are the gifts!

Cole Haan Genuine Leather Messenger Bag

Apple Ipod Classic 120gb Black

Cole Haan Nantucket Oxford

Minnetonka Traditional Double Bottom Softsole

The Essential Jefferson Airplane

Hanes Medium 5-pack V neck shirts

Some kind of super comfortable slipper from Wal-Mart

Adidas Gym Bag

Set of 5 socks. (no pic online)
A $25 Itunes giftcard
A $20 Walden Books Giftcard
$30 in cold hard cash!

Great Christmas. I love my family. And I wish i knew if Jesus did anything on his birthday. I wonder if all the people that want to call it X-mas or something else even know that the entire point of this Holiday is the birth of Christ. Love!

Music and things

2008-12-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

Listening to John Denver's "Leaving, on a jet plane" from 1967 gives me chills and just the different sense of heart that the music had from that time period. I agree some music from my generation can be pretty ridiculous and lack many of the pure traits from the 40's-80's (past generations) style of music that is the foundation for artists of my generation, but that is why music is called influential. I appreciate music from my time, and from the past.

Lordy Lordy!

2008-12-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

I always have such great stories to tell about what God is doing in my life. It is simply amazing how he is working in my life as well as the people around me. It is 12:34 pm and I am too tired to type it all, but if you ever want to hear about it just ask or call me. I would be happy to share with you.

Good night everyone.

troubled times

2008-12-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

i have a great friend by the name of justin, who suprised me with a record player today. very nice thing for him to do. and i was able to help a few people out today, it felt good.

but right at the end of a great night, (where i am extremely sick feeling) i get a phone call about something i supposedly did wrong. i have been working so hard on being a better person, and Christian on top of that. I am struggling so much, nearly break down, and i know it sounds silly.

All i can really do is pray and trust God. I read in Ecclesiastes tonight that "for in much wisdom is much grief. And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow" Ecclesiastes 1:18, i feel it pertains to this situation. Not that I have supreme knowledge. But in a different sense. So please pray for me. I love you.

I love Jesus

2008-12-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

I am excited for Christmas. Now that I am of age, and finally holding a firm faith to really appreciate what it means, this is going to be a great conclusion to '08.

On a note I never speak about, I am still constantly struggling being the "man" that I know I need to be in a relationship. I'll talk more about this later though. PJC lab is closing!@#!

Disappointment

2008-12-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

I hate when i say things that can be hurtful to people. I never try to allow or even let something hurtful leave my mouth. But at times things come out wrong (which i am good at), or when joking someone might take what I say serious. I despise when that happens. I am left feeling sick, and in a sense "down" for a few days. It's that serious. Almost makes me want to leave completely somehow. Too bad I have to stay here.

Oh well. Pray about it. Apologize. Move On.

This is exam week. I have a statistics exam in 2 hours, working on the study guide now, but I had to release this blog, it was eating at my brain. Oh well. I love you.

p.s. (everyone says I think too much. I wish i could somehow make my mind take a break.)

8 bars

2008-12-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

I swear I got the soul of soul in my body,
Perform surgery like a Huxtable, call me Cosby.
Live he by the day, live me on the nightly,
levitate your brain with these words quietly.
You swore you never seen, never knew, something quite like me,
yeah the king of this jungle, swear I'm not lioning.
Graduated to CEO, and I'm not firing,
but i will steal your girl from your team, constantly pirating.

8 Bars - bshell. aka skrilla bobcat

Humanity

2008-11-30T12:14:00.000-08:00

The only way to get my homework done and comprehend what i am learning is too type this blog out that only 2-3 people will read. And by completing this homework will begin!

So lately I have been in the final steps of one of my many evolution/growth processes of my life. Once near losing certain things you think hard and evaluate your decisions before you irrationally act on them. And when it comes to my life I tend to do things on the spot, not thinking about the future, but just trying to satisfy the cravings of the moment. (to the reader you won't understand my exact situation at the moment. though the readers of this generally my closest friends i do have many situations with each of you within this subject realm) Although i never have any answers to anything it seems like, like every human I am always in a constant battle trying to live up to being a representation of Christ. Which by the way America is impossible. And to go back one sentence, I'll take back my "every human" and change that too "christian".

Secondly, I am in an extreme bind on a subject i do not prefer to talk about online because it could possibly escalate into something bigger when really I just need to let God handle it. It is very revealing knowing I have the most powerful thing in the world in control of my life, and taking care of me every step of the way. God is love.

We are in revolutionary times. If John Lennon were alive he would die to still be a peace activist. I would bet my mothers favorite diamonds on this. God is letting his wrath loose. And he is showing his grace in even more ways. I think some people miss this.

Peace, love and warfare. - Bobby

bye content, hello indifferent

2008-11-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Humans are full of more unsuccessful acts than successful. But through this as a world we become more educated, informed, and efficient. I for example am an immaculate example of for lack of a better word...stupid. But i enjoy a challenge, and i thrive to be in a pressure situation. To say the least, growing up is not a television sitcom that people laugh and clap for when a little red sign lights up that is located 27ft high hanging from the ceiling.

Next semester i have Managerial Finance, Operations Management, Consumer Behavior, and Prof Services Marketing. Should not be too killer of a schedule, I feel that i am doing fairly strong this semester, and I have aspirations to continue to grow and be even more successful when it comes to completely this degree.

Fall semester of 2010 I will be studying abroad for my Global Marketing major. And right when i finish that semester I will have 3 months (during that summer) to stay overseas to travel and maybe find a good job, or internship there, or come home and work 60 hours a week and save, because after that next fall semester I will be graduated and officially a college graduate (December 10, 2010)

---------

I am a man who loves quotes, really good quotes. And this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson (one of my favorite essayists and writers) is a very strong and inspiration piece of information i hold dearly in my heart.

Be not a slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

will or does society understand?

2008-11-15T20:36:00.000-08:00

In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, -- no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, -- my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, -- all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, -- master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature. - Emerson

-----------------------------------------------

For if man from childhood, had no education or guidance, would he turn to the bright lights, and sophisticated lifestyle of "The American Dream"? Or would he lean toward the instincts of his primitive ancestors, proceed to make the reach out to nature, and his epidermal senses?

say never ever

2008-11-14T18:01:00.001-08:00

i never ever wanted to make the love i share like a pendulum... This next video is sufficient for me, it is Led Zeppelin - Going to California.

I am impatient, yet fruitful.

Saving

2008-11-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

I am very conservative. And people who know me close know this best. I am not cheap, but I save my money, I in a way live on a schedule. Not literally live on one, but i have a planner. I like doing things when i know it's beneficial. I save up so at the right moment or time I will be prepared for whatever is coming, and the best decision can be made.

If i feel this way about expenses, money, my own personal accounts... Then why don't i treat other peoples emotions and feelings the same way? If i am supposed to be this big strong "man", and i use that word lightly, why am I so so weak. (*) I am a very very loving person. It is the way i was raised since birth. My parents are still together unlike the cultural norm. I grew up with a Christian family, attended church, had a great group of friends, and lived the dream American lifestyle my entire life. We had, and have everything. We are blessed. I have had to earn everything for myself, and have a hard work ethic. But I can still feel in some corner beneath my flesh that there is something yet to be matured. I will never know what this is, but i have somewhat a feeling.

Oh well. I need to stop worrying so much, and live. Today has its own troubles. Love.

* Yes I am growing with God. But it seems anything and everything in the world is a distraction. And I guess this is fully true seeing how nothing of the world is of God, but a very select few things, most are made by man, and not glorifying him....but this is not a sermon, just my random thought to explain my reason i feel a certain way.

If i had one wish

2008-11-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

I would wish that i understood why things happen. Why things change. Why people have different motives and beliefs. This has been one of the most intense weeks of my life. Almost each step i take i have no understanding of the next. I fall behind in everything but somehow keep up. We have a new leader of our country in a few months. I see everything my family has let go of. Our family had a separation that I have never spoken to anyone about, and through this my grandfather (paw paw) died August 15th and I just found out 2 days ago. There are so so many things left unanswered. I will never understand any of this. I am extreme, lost, confused, and content at the same time. I am not where i ever wanted to be or would have imagined. It's not great.

When you have no one. You in a way have the most understanding.

You can't please to aim man and God at the same time.

2008-11-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

Two blog posts in one day. I average two a month. But here is some desert for thought (as opposed to food seeing how this is the last for today, ha).

Through this growing process, people ask me to make future decisions, and i cant. People say so many things, and you can't aim to appease their need to know, or here things, or even meet their expectations because as humans we are not perfect. But who is? ... That is correct! God.

As of now I really have no idea what my life holds ahead of me, in any aspect. And I am excited, as well as encouraged, to embark on this great episode of my life, and come out as the man God intended me to be when he created me over 21 years ago.

***edit from last weeks post***

I am no longer "in a relationship" with anyone on any level more than a friend. I had a conversation with a new friend yesterday about a mans role in a relationship. Being the leader, having self control, setting the example. And placing God first. I have never done this in a relationship. And that is my main concern before i even begin to try and contemplate dating anyone at all. Without God at the forefront of everything that i pursue, especially in this area. I am just going to end up making the same mistakes i have before when trying to love someone.

Understanding Truely

2008-11-04T05:16:00.000-08:00

As Christians, knowing what our role is, as humans from the beginning of our relationship with God, is understood. But, putting into actions these beliefs, principles, laws, commandments, and way of life is an entire different situation. Living for God is different from believing in God (and the Biblical Christian lifestyle). I have only believed in God. Never once truly and consistently lived for only God, and not myself (flesh and bones).

As of yesterday i started the book "Mere Christianity" by Clive Staples Lewis, better known as CS Lewis. This book is about explaining the fundamental teachings of Christianity, to be understood upon all levels. (I will expound more upon this book and subject in a later post)

I feel that God is finally doing something in my life that he always wanted me to commit to before, but i never had the desires too. I am not doing this to gain anything or anyone (outside of Christ), I as a man, had to give up the one person I thought have always loved more than myself (but i proved this wrong to myself through my selfish actions), and even my family at times, just to commit myself fully to God. I feel through this i have lost people, in good and bad ways, but from how i perceive it, this is God's plan and his way of challenging me. And i am fully ready to commit everything to him. I have never so rationally approached a relationship with God, or with a church family as i have been searching in the last year. Though the journey has had slight highs and extreme lows, i see this is a turning point in my relationship with him.

This is a huge turning point for myself, and our country as a whole. It is November 4th. The final voting day. And may God's will be done for us all. Because i have complete faith in whatever he will do for us. For if he can sacrifice his son. I believe that he fully will do what is best for America, and the world as a whole. We are his children and the sheep of his pasture. And like a father is to his children, sometimes we do have to get into trouble to learn a lesson, or get scolded for doing something that is wrong. But he loves us, and wants us to learn something from all of this. In a greater way than we can imagine.

It is hard not to get a lump in my throat when thinking and talking about all of this. But i have one thing to share about all of this that gives me peace in the morning, noon, and night. This verse is a small portion of the huge picture again... (I italicize this word to really emphasize how gigantic this is for us as humans to comprehend.) But this is the verse that came to mind..

Proverbs 16:3

I love you.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T07:19:00.000-07:00

It is Halloween and I am working 13 hours today at your local neighborhood Starbucks Coffee shop. And do you know what is awesome? I do not care! There are alot of parties going on tonight, i am slightly tempted to maybe attend, (i never liked the terminology "make an appearance") but after today i think I will be looking forward to an in depth talk with my bed.

I got the new James Taylor Covers album, it is pretty good so far, just recently i became a James Taylor fan, i always liked other people's covers of his music, but never gave him a listen. It's really good. I really enjoy when driving around with my dad and we both are singing "Fire and Rain" together. :}

I am only on a 10 minute break right now though, and it ends in 3 minutes, so I don't want to get into too much of a rant. But i hope everyone if anyone that reads this has a great night, and stay safe. Or even come see me at work. If you brought me lunch...that would be the best. Ciao, everyone.

Peace, Love, and Warfare. - bshell.

Greatest feeling

2008-10-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

I have never let my gates open as i did tonight, i can't even begin to explain.
i am happy.
i love you.

:)

Bold as Love

2008-10-29T13:09:00.001-07:00

I am so completely happy. God never stops providing.

I am going to start a few short essays, on the subjects of "thought and thinking". And the other ones have slipped my mind on what the subject matter was.

i feel like a baby plant. i want to absorb more knowledge!!! someone please be my water and sunlight!

PeaceLoveWarfare

time after time

2008-10-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

your words trace the corners of my mind like your tongue did the border of my lips when i held you closest. the fears turned into exaltation's of praise, hoping that truth would be poured upon our life as if a burst of fire from a dragons mouth scorching the last of many victims. you can feel sandpaper under your fingernails, as well as the armada of smiles that reside upon faces like stars splashed into the large black sky. dreary is the only way to explain what he could possibly be feeling. But based on his expression's he is on a whole different level. days turn to years, and minutes into nanoseconds.

Time is slipping away and you can not even begin to beguile yourself into knowing these things.

this is our life.

save what you can

2008-10-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Is Bobby too cynical? He is not denying the fact that he is. This is a fact in some folks eyes. But it seems to be that some relationships, with certain someones, can be so virulent that it tracks itself under his skin and monotonously eats his mental health to dust. Having schlepped this burden farther than he has ever intended, a new nomadic lifestyle is at reach. With so many harangues from his parents about what the smartest decisions in life ARE, he finally sits and thinks to himself on what his life desires truely consist of. With this phantasm of a lifestyle still only visible to himself he inadvertently....

i tend too

2008-09-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

offend people easily.
say things at the wrong time. more often than not.
not know what i want at the right time.
not be thankful for things i should be.
not set a good example when i should.

there are alot of things. my whole life people have told me how great of a person i was, or this that and the other. and over time i can just see myself not being that great. i need to get back my my roots of how i was raised, and just live better. today went from horrible to good. i am happy though. VERY

lay down your flag

2008-09-02T07:11:00.001-07:00

and to capture anothers is sometimes not exactly what a man wants. but when it comes to war, sometimes you have to do what is best for the country and not yourself.

they should make some kind of anti-temptation soap like they have for bacteria. that would be cool.

Day 1 @ the University

2008-08-25T16:00:00.001-07:00

Amazing, 2 a days with swimming, running time, biking time, all you can eat cafeteria (6 restaurants, coffee bar, salad bar, cereal bar) too much to handle. this is a brief list and all you need to know in one about UWF. And my Fundamentals of Marketing teacher told me i should teach the class with my apparently perfect definition of marketing. This is going to be a productive semester.

Damn i feel good!

Welcome to UWF

2008-08-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

It is the opening day at University of West Florida for the Fall 08 semester. I could very easily get distracted into this onslaught of events, friends, women, clubs, as well as the many other distractions to be found on the UWF campus. There are no maybes but only musts when it comes to making great great grades, and working out to attain my goals. This will be an epic two years that could define a successful me, or a failure of me. And most importantly my relationship with God. To say the least i feel good.

Well enough with all this talk. Time to get to work.