this blog site

I do not know yet what classification it would be under. About myself and my life, or based on my study of the Bible, Christ, and my Christian walk as well. But as of this last week I have had alot of different emotions and feelings running around in my life that I am unfamiliar with. I know how easy it is for a Christian to say, "God is in control of my life and everything will be well and good in the end.", or something of that nature. And this is very true. Even if as a human we try to take control of our own life as if we can change the Lord's plan we will eternally fail. I am not saying this in a negative way. But when it comes down too it we as Christians need to pay Christ the respect he deserves. And I for one know that I could do a better job. When it comes to trying to understand these emotions and feelings I mentioned earlier it is hard to give everything to Christ, but what else can you do?

And on a different note I need to deal with today for it is at hand. And stop thinking about the future so much. I have the future ahead for its very own purpose. I sometimes miss out on the seconds, minutes, and hours of today. The Lord made seconds before minutes and hours because we need to take things slower. Dig it?

Christmas Past..

Well Christmas was great this year. Spent the entire day with my family, Nick (my sisters boyfriend), and Phil, (my mothers childhood friend). We opened presents around 9:30 am, then played a game of Monopoly which i completely killed them in. Ate a huge lunch, and then watched movies and we all played with our presents all day. It was grand. Then around 9:35 pm Justin came over and we rushed to see Benjamin Button at the movie theater. Lasted til 12:59 am. Longest movie ever. But really great. Inspirational. Many underlying values in the movie.

And here are the gifts!




Cole Haan Genuine Leather Messenger Bag



Apple Ipod Classic 120gb Black



Cole Haan Nantucket Oxford



Minnetonka Traditional Double Bottom Softsole



The Essential Jefferson Airplane



Hanes Medium 5-pack V neck shirts



Some kind of super comfortable slipper from Wal-Mart



Adidas Gym Bag



Set of 5 socks. (no pic online)
A $25 Itunes giftcard
A $20 Walden Books Giftcard
$30 in cold hard cash!




Great Christmas. I love my family. And I wish i knew if Jesus did anything on his birthday. I wonder if all the people that want to call it X-mas or something else even know that the entire point of this Holiday is the birth of Christ. Love!

Music and things

Listening to John Denver's "Leaving, on a jet plane" from 1967 gives me chills and just the different sense of heart that the music had from that time period. I agree some music from my generation can be pretty ridiculous and lack many of the pure traits from the 40's-80's (past generations) style of music that is the foundation for artists of my generation, but that is why music is called influential. I appreciate music from my time, and from the past.

Lordy Lordy!

I always have such great stories to tell about what God is doing in my life. It is simply amazing how he is working in my life as well as the people around me. It is 12:34 pm and I am too tired to type it all, but if you ever want to hear about it just ask or call me. I would be happy to share with you.

Good night everyone.

troubled times

i have a great friend by the name of justin, who suprised me with a record player today. very nice thing for him to do. and i was able to help a few people out today, it felt good.

but right at the end of a great night, (where i am extremely sick feeling) i get a phone call about something i supposedly did wrong. i have been working so hard on being a better person, and Christian on top of that. I am struggling so much, nearly break down, and i know it sounds silly.

All i can really do is pray and trust God. I read in Ecclesiastes tonight that "for in much wisdom is much grief. And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow" Ecclesiastes 1:18, i feel it pertains to this situation. Not that I have supreme knowledge. But in a different sense. So please pray for me. I love you.

I love Jesus

I am excited for Christmas. Now that I am of age, and finally holding a firm faith to really appreciate what it means, this is going to be a great conclusion to '08.

On a note I never speak about, I am still constantly struggling being the "man" that I know I need to be in a relationship. I'll talk more about this later though. PJC lab is closing!@#!

Disappointment

I hate when i say things that can be hurtful to people. I never try to allow or even let something hurtful leave my mouth. But at times things come out wrong (which i am good at), or when joking someone might take what I say serious. I despise when that happens. I am left feeling sick, and in a sense "down" for a few days. It's that serious. Almost makes me want to leave completely somehow. Too bad I have to stay here.

Oh well. Pray about it. Apologize. Move On.

This is exam week. I have a statistics exam in 2 hours, working on the study guide now, but I had to release this blog, it was eating at my brain. Oh well. I love you.

p.s. (everyone says I think too much. I wish i could somehow make my mind take a break.)

8 bars

I swear I got the soul of soul in my body,
Perform surgery like a Huxtable, call me Cosby.
Live he by the day, live me on the nightly,
levitate your brain with these words quietly.
You swore you never seen, never knew, something quite like me,
yeah the king of this jungle, swear I'm not lioning.
Graduated to CEO, and I'm not firing,
but i will steal your girl from your team, constantly pirating.

8 Bars - bshell. aka skrilla bobcat

Humanity

The only way to get my homework done and comprehend what i am learning is too type this blog out that only 2-3 people will read. And by completing this homework will begin!


So lately I have been in the final steps of one of my many evolution/growth processes of my life. Once near losing certain things you think hard and evaluate your decisions before you irrationally act on them. And when it comes to my life I tend to do things on the spot, not thinking about the future, but just trying to satisfy the cravings of the moment. (to the reader you won't understand my exact situation at the moment. though the readers of this generally my closest friends i do have many situations with each of you within this subject realm) Although i never have any answers to anything it seems like, like every human I am always in a constant battle trying to live up to being a representation of Christ. Which by the way America is impossible. And to go back one sentence, I'll take back my "every human" and change that too "christian".

Secondly, I am in an extreme bind on a subject i do not prefer to talk about online because it could possibly escalate into something bigger when really I just need to let God handle it. It is very revealing knowing I have the most powerful thing in the world in control of my life, and taking care of me every step of the way. God is love.

We are in revolutionary times. If John Lennon were alive he would die to still be a peace activist. I would bet my mothers favorite diamonds on this. God is letting his wrath loose. And he is showing his grace in even more ways. I think some people miss this.

Peace, love and warfare. - Bobby

bye content, hello indifferent

Humans are full of more unsuccessful acts than successful. But through this as a world we become more educated, informed, and efficient. I for example am an immaculate example of for lack of a better word...stupid. But i enjoy a challenge, and i thrive to be in a pressure situation. To say the least, growing up is not a television sitcom that people laugh and clap for when a little red sign lights up that is located 27ft high hanging from the ceiling.

Next semester i have Managerial Finance, Operations Management, Consumer Behavior, and Prof Services Marketing. Should not be too killer of a schedule, I feel that i am doing fairly strong this semester, and I have aspirations to continue to grow and be even more successful when it comes to completely this degree.

Fall semester of 2010 I will be studying abroad for my Global Marketing major. And right when i finish that semester I will have 3 months (during that summer) to stay overseas to travel and maybe find a good job, or internship there, or come home and work 60 hours a week and save, because after that next fall semester I will be graduated and officially a college graduate (December 10, 2010)

---------

I am a man who loves quotes, really good quotes. And this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson (one of my favorite essayists and writers) is a very strong and inspiration piece of information i hold dearly in my heart.

Be not a slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

will or does society understand?

In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, -- no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, -- my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, -- all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, -- master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature. - Emerson

-----------------------------------------------


For if man from childhood, had no education or guidance, would he turn to the bright lights, and sophisticated lifestyle of "The American Dream"? Or would he lean toward the instincts of his primitive ancestors, proceed to make the reach out to nature, and his epidermal senses?

say never ever

i never ever wanted to make the love i share like a pendulum... This next video is sufficient for me, it is Led Zeppelin - Going to California.



I am impatient, yet fruitful.

Saving

I am very conservative. And people who know me close know this best. I am not cheap, but I save my money, I in a way live on a schedule. Not literally live on one, but i have a planner. I like doing things when i know it's beneficial. I save up so at the right moment or time I will be prepared for whatever is coming, and the best decision can be made.

If i feel this way about expenses, money, my own personal accounts... Then why don't i treat other peoples emotions and feelings the same way? If i am supposed to be this big strong "man", and i use that word lightly, why am I so so weak. (*) I am a very very loving person. It is the way i was raised since birth. My parents are still together unlike the cultural norm. I grew up with a Christian family, attended church, had a great group of friends, and lived the dream American lifestyle my entire life. We had, and have everything. We are blessed. I have had to earn everything for myself, and have a hard work ethic. But I can still feel in some corner beneath my flesh that there is something yet to be matured. I will never know what this is, but i have somewhat a feeling.

Oh well. I need to stop worrying so much, and live. Today has its own troubles. Love.




* Yes I am growing with God. But it seems anything and everything in the world is a distraction. And I guess this is fully true seeing how nothing of the world is of God, but a very select few things, most are made by man, and not glorifying him....but this is not a sermon, just my random thought to explain my reason i feel a certain way.

If i had one wish

I would wish that i understood why things happen. Why things change. Why people have different motives and beliefs. This has been one of the most intense weeks of my life. Almost each step i take i have no understanding of the next. I fall behind in everything but somehow keep up. We have a new leader of our country in a few months. I see everything my family has let go of. Our family had a separation that I have never spoken to anyone about, and through this my grandfather (paw paw) died August 15th and I just found out 2 days ago. There are so so many things left unanswered. I will never understand any of this. I am extreme, lost, confused, and content at the same time. I am not where i ever wanted to be or would have imagined. It's not great.

When you have no one. You in a way have the most understanding.

You can't please to aim man and God at the same time.

Two blog posts in one day. I average two a month. But here is some desert for thought (as opposed to food seeing how this is the last for today, ha).

Through this growing process, people ask me to make future decisions, and i cant. People say so many things, and you can't aim to appease their need to know, or here things, or even meet their expectations because as humans we are not perfect. But who is? ... That is correct! God.

As of now I really have no idea what my life holds ahead of me, in any aspect. And I am excited, as well as encouraged, to embark on this great episode of my life, and come out as the man God intended me to be when he created me over 21 years ago.

***edit from last weeks post***

I am no longer "in a relationship" with anyone on any level more than a friend. I had a conversation with a new friend yesterday about a mans role in a relationship. Being the leader, having self control, setting the example. And placing God first. I have never done this in a relationship. And that is my main concern before i even begin to try and contemplate dating anyone at all. Without God at the forefront of everything that i pursue, especially in this area. I am just going to end up making the same mistakes i have before when trying to love someone.

Understanding Truely

As Christians, knowing what our role is, as humans from the beginning of our relationship with God, is understood. But, putting into actions these beliefs, principles, laws, commandments, and way of life is an entire different situation. Living for God is different from believing in God (and the Biblical Christian lifestyle). I have only believed in God. Never once truly and consistently lived for only God, and not myself (flesh and bones).

As of yesterday i started the book "Mere Christianity" by Clive Staples Lewis, better known as CS Lewis. This book is about explaining the fundamental teachings of Christianity, to be understood upon all levels. (I will expound more upon this book and subject in a later post)

I feel that God is finally doing something in my life that he always wanted me to commit to before, but i never had the desires too. I am not doing this to gain anything or anyone (outside of Christ), I as a man, had to give up the one person I thought have always loved more than myself (but i proved this wrong to myself through my selfish actions), and even my family at times, just to commit myself fully to God. I feel through this i have lost people, in good and bad ways, but from how i perceive it, this is God's plan and his way of challenging me. And i am fully ready to commit everything to him. I have never so rationally approached a relationship with God, or with a church family as i have been searching in the last year. Though the journey has had slight highs and extreme lows, i see this is a turning point in my relationship with him.

This is a huge turning point for myself, and our country as a whole. It is November 4th. The final voting day. And may God's will be done for us all. Because i have complete faith in whatever he will do for us. For if he can sacrifice his son. I believe that he fully will do what is best for America, and the world as a whole. We are his children and the sheep of his pasture. And like a father is to his children, sometimes we do have to get into trouble to learn a lesson, or get scolded for doing something that is wrong. But he loves us, and wants us to learn something from all of this. In a greater way than we can imagine.

It is hard not to get a lump in my throat when thinking and talking about all of this. But i have one thing to share about all of this that gives me peace in the morning, noon, and night. This verse is a small portion of the huge picture again... (I italicize this word to really emphasize how gigantic this is for us as humans to comprehend.) But this is the verse that came to mind..

Proverbs 16:3


I love you.

Happy Halloween

It is Halloween and I am working 13 hours today at your local neighborhood Starbucks Coffee shop. And do you know what is awesome? I do not care! There are alot of parties going on tonight, i am slightly tempted to maybe attend, (i never liked the terminology "make an appearance") but after today i think I will be looking forward to an in depth talk with my bed.

I got the new James Taylor Covers album, it is pretty good so far, just recently i became a James Taylor fan, i always liked other people's covers of his music, but never gave him a listen. It's really good. I really enjoy when driving around with my dad and we both are singing "Fire and Rain" together. :}

I am only on a 10 minute break right now though, and it ends in 3 minutes, so I don't want to get into too much of a rant. But i hope everyone if anyone that reads this has a great night, and stay safe. Or even come see me at work. If you brought me lunch...that would be the best. Ciao, everyone.

Peace, Love, and Warfare. - bshell.

Greatest feeling

I have never let my gates open as i did tonight, i can't even begin to explain.
i am happy.
i love you.

:)

Bold as Love

I am so completely happy. God never stops providing.

I am going to start a few short essays, on the subjects of "thought and thinking". And the other ones have slipped my mind on what the subject matter was.

i feel like a baby plant. i want to absorb more knowledge!!! someone please be my water and sunlight!

PeaceLoveWarfare

time after time

your words trace the corners of my mind like your tongue did the border of my lips when i held you closest. the fears turned into exaltation's of praise, hoping that truth would be poured upon our life as if a burst of fire from a dragons mouth scorching the last of many victims. you can feel sandpaper under your fingernails, as well as the armada of smiles that reside upon faces like stars splashed into the large black sky. dreary is the only way to explain what he could possibly be feeling. But based on his expression's he is on a whole different level. days turn to years, and minutes into nanoseconds.

Time is slipping away and you can not even begin to beguile yourself into knowing these things.

this is our life.

save what you can

Is Bobby too cynical? He is not denying the fact that he is. This is a fact in some folks eyes. But it seems to be that some relationships, with certain someones, can be so virulent that it tracks itself under his skin and monotonously eats his mental health to dust. Having schlepped this burden farther than he has ever intended, a new nomadic lifestyle is at reach. With so many harangues from his parents about what the smartest decisions in life ARE, he finally sits and thinks to himself on what his life desires truely consist of. With this phantasm of a lifestyle still only visible to himself he inadvertently....

i tend too

offend people easily.
say things at the wrong time. more often than not.
not know what i want at the right time.
not be thankful for things i should be.
not set a good example when i should.

there are alot of things. my whole life people have told me how great of a person i was, or this that and the other. and over time i can just see myself not being that great. i need to get back my my roots of how i was raised, and just live better. today went from horrible to good. i am happy though. VERY

lay down your flag

and to capture anothers is sometimes not exactly what a man wants. but when it comes to war, sometimes you have to do what is best for the country and not yourself.


they should make some kind of anti-temptation soap like they have for bacteria. that would be cool.

Day 1 @ the University

Amazing, 2 a days with swimming, running time, biking time, all you can eat cafeteria (6 restaurants, coffee bar, salad bar, cereal bar) too much to handle. this is a brief list and all you need to know in one about UWF. And my Fundamentals of Marketing teacher told me i should teach the class with my apparently perfect definition of marketing. This is going to be a productive semester.

Damn i feel good!

Welcome to UWF

It is the opening day at University of West Florida for the Fall 08 semester. I could very easily get distracted into this onslaught of events, friends, women, clubs, as well as the many other distractions to be found on the UWF campus. There are no maybes but only musts when it comes to making great great grades, and working out to attain my goals. This will be an epic two years that could define a successful me, or a failure of me. And most importantly my relationship with God. To say the least i feel good.

Well enough with all this talk. Time to get to work.